I Watch I Dream of Jeannie Dear DJ

scan0014Dear DJ, I sent the picture from Washington, DC as I promised. You have to double-click on the little icon that says attachment. I didn’t say double-clit, I said double-click. What if I told you I had two clits. Boy, wouldn’t that be news>>>>>>>No, now that is the first lie I told your station, but it is a good one, I don’t have two clits. ???????? Now you are probably scratching your head. You got lice, or what? Really, now. When you open the picture, you will notice above my left hand actually looks like its touching George’ Washington’s toes. (If anyone asks just say optical illusion, I really was touching his toes). On the right bottom are his other toes. Why my son didn’t take a second picture with the rest of his body, I don’t know and I don’t care, but the thought makes me crack up and laugh so hard. I’ll e-mail the actual words because they are important. On a serious note, I was wrong to throw away my husband’s magazines. It is ironic that in a woman’s consciousness she thinks she has the right to control what a man reads, or to discourage him from reading what he enjoys. If I were rich I would take a full page ad in the Chicago Tribune, and the Sun-Times and the Christian Science Monitor and make a public apology for destroying any reading material that didn’t belong to me without his permission. Priscilla and I were both wrong. I’m truly sorry, no matter how good it turned out in the end. Men, boys should read and write, and if I did anything to deter that in anyone, I ask for forgiveness from the whole male population. Maybe I’ll ask my husband if he would like a subscription to Playboy to make up for the wrong I did. Or perhaps, I’ll just forgive him all the 17 years he didn’t give me child support and plunged me into poverty. Do you know there is a magazine of pin-woman in their 40’s and 50’s. Still wouldn’t work for me I don’t want the surgeries. I need my body to feel. If a man can’t tell the difference well what can I say. I do have a job though for you and Letterman. Father’s Day is coming up and with all these thoughts that surfaced about my father, I think it may be hard for me. I burned the CD “What Becomes of the Broken Hearted” and played it for about an hour at work and thought of my Dad and it was too much for me. So here is your assignment please. Since I don’t want to take anti-depressants, (stopped drinking since that is a depressant also) I went to Dr. F. Bone, that is Funny Bone and Funny told me to take two a day, that is two funny shows a day. So in the morning I’ll pop you on the radio, and before I retire I’ll pop Letterman on to keep me anti-depressed. Now in case I need a third dose, I’ll pop Greg Brown at noon. You know Greg was actually nice to me when I stopped by your studio. His exact words were yes I met her at a function that you had and smiled sweetly. And was very sociable and sweet and actually seemed pleased that I was there. Although you called him over, so that was very nice. How does he fit in there? He’s so nice and starched shirts. My oh My. Does his wife starch his boxer shorts and iron them? That would stiffen them up quite a bit if you put extra heavy starch, although I’m sure he’s quite ok in that department. I bet he’d look good in them too. My brother Eddie wanted to be a radio announcer for sports and I think quite enthusiastic. He used to put the sports, (say Hawks) on the TV but would put the sound from the voices on the radio because he thought they were better and much more expressive. So he’d watch the TV and listen to the radio at the same time. Now that I have my anti-depressants that I need, how about you guys with the broken-hearts. My dilemna is they put “I Dream of Jeannie” on at the same time as David Letterman. I like to watch her because she tries to give Major Nelson all his wishes and knows everything that is good for him, but he never takes her up on it and discourages her. Men are like that with me. I offer and give them anything they want and they refuse. Since I don’t fight or argue I just say OK. But if you watch Jeannie you’ll see all the ways she pleases him, or tries to, but never succeeds. There is a lot of truth to that show.My husband watched it all the time. Barbara Eden was his favorite tv star and that was his favorite show. He couldn’t believe when he saw me on the Springer show and turned out I resemble Barbara Eden. I don’t think so, but hundreds of people have told me that. Although, I changed my hair now. Lovingly, Jeannie in the Bottle, or in this case Jeannie without her Bottle of Southern Comfort.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: